Reculer pour mieux sauter

MUNDUR UNTUK DAPAT MELOMPAT LEBIH BAIK...

~KRUGER~

I am standing still
Counting every falling tears
Refrained from your help
Abandoned my own wish

I wish i could just nod
and understand
But the truth is,
It's all beyond my comprehension..

~kruger~

sependek mungkin

beribu kata sudah terucap
menguap di udara, melebur di hati
mencari esensi
berlomba dengan eksistensi


- immortal -

Terlalu..

Kayaknya ini sudah yang kesekian kalinya pucuk - pucuk kesabaran dalam hati terbakar! Seharusnya aku simpan baik - baik benih - benih emosi yang dapat tumbuh subur kala tersirami segala sikapnya.

Kadang aku seperti terduduk dalam ruang gelap hampa udara. Di mana aku tak dapat menghirup udara barang sedikit. Aku begitu sesak setiap kata - kata yang terhujam dan begitu derasnya air mata yang kutahan setiap rongga bicaranya mulai bertutur.

Setiap hendak kututup pintu rapat - rapat, dengan tangkas ia mengganjalnya dengan seribu satu kenangan yang pernah tercoreng. Aku biarkan dia masuk, walau tak kusediakan kursi untuknya. Aku tak ingin dia berlama - lama meruntuhkan satu persatu perisai yang kubuat dan mempertanyakan sesumbar yang pernah terucap.

Kini aku serasa duduk di tempat yang sama, tempat gelap di mana hanya ada ego yang berbicara. Di mana keangkuhan dan ketamakan berusaha memeluk jiwa. Aku bosan harus menatap kekusaman cermin masa lalu. Aku ingin keluar dan menghirup udara segar.

Mungkin semua ini bagai permainan yang mengasikan baginya. Mungkin hidupnya terlalu suram hingga ia harus mencari sesuatu untuk menghadirkan terang..

Apakah ini saatnya aku harus meninggalkan dan benar- benar membunuh setiap corengan dalam relung putihku kini?

Aku yang menentukan, apakah ini akan tetap ada atau hilang selamanya.
Aku pula yang mempersilahkan ia hadir, kini aku pulalah yang harus mengusirnya atau setidaknya dengan sopan mempersilakan ia untuk pergi...bukan besok atau lusa...SEKARANG!!!!!!!!


~kruger~

To the mysterious plan of GOD

Couple days ago, My dearest bestfriend lost her baby. It wasn't literally a baby, since it was only a fetus, and it hasn't grown yet (NOT!). But surely brought the sadness as well. She has put the hope in to this fetus.

Somehow we never know what the future holds for each of us.
Every plan we made, every hope we put, every pray we said...
To the mysterious plan of GOD, we could only bend our knees and pray..

Surrender ourselves to time,
Then let time tells us what for us and what's not

I don't know just how, suddenly i sense something regarding a happiness entered the room...

Pssst...be silent...
Don't disturb its presence for it will gracefully hug our soul eventually
Still in the mysterious way..

~kruger~

When You Believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understand
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It’s hard to kill
Who know what miracle
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will
when you believe

But when you’re blinded
by your pain
Can’t see you way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

I was sitting in the net cafe surrounded by the busy people. When i was in the middle of browsing the nets, i listened a softly music came out of the other room, and it was this song.
The same song i listened "every time" the miracle landed in my path..

It mysteriously conveyed a spirit to my soul..
So let see for another moment...
Will it happen?
Fingers crossed....

Late evening...

More Money more problems that’s for sure
Less Money less problem? I don’t think so..

Many days has passed away since my decision to be a not literally jobless female. Surely I enjoyed it, coz I spent more times with my son and family, spent more times in front of the TV, read more books, magazine, more times to hang out with friends and more things to do.

Today one of my best girlfriends came to my rescue. She came to my home and spent the afternoon with me.. With our “nearly similar” condition, I deliberately found that due to our much spare times - with fewer things to do- it was easy for our mind to scour the entire event that has passed away in our living life. Ex boy friend suddenly entered the top of the list. Thank God I can control the habit after all. Now I can tell her how to handle those disorientating thoughts. For sure, this has nothing to do with her marriage. It’s all fine; it’s just all the given times has definitely lead us into the path where all the logics are crucified, hehehehe.

In the middle of our relaxing afternoon, my phone was beeping. It was a call for job interview. I am not so happy and not so sad either. I just sway into the flow…

We went to MTA, as a slanted hat sent a chit chat invitation to me...Finally i spent the afternoon till almost evening chatted with slanted hat. R went home afterward.

We talked about many things included the " Plin plan " topic...
He reluctantly admitted that he is a real plinplanner :) His languange shown them all..hehehehhe

Anyway..still i know how to blitz the spark in to my life..and i know exactly how to turn everything up side down..hehehhe

~kruger~

Check out my other scribes here

~kruger~