Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The best thing in life is...

When you can make yourself happy by your own self, not waiting for a sympathetic attention in whatever form, because somehow it’s only a wistful thinking.

Take a deep breath, exhale
I have to limit myself, not too much into something…

I think it’s so stupid to think that empathy is really exist, that good deeds always harvest something good as well. Maybe I am pessimistic, but it happened so many times that I started to believe something will never change, however, whatever it is. And acceptance is not the right way to face every problem.

The tears will be the tears. Life’s only once…I want to make myself happy…no matter what…

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dragging

It's dragging, yes for three days in a row i felt so dragging. I don't know what I am gonna do. I just felt like running running and running...but I don't know where I am heading to..

What should I do?
Should I just sit and remain silent while waiting the given time flies?
Maybe I am just boring, and most probably there's something bugging me..
And for that reason I can't ask somebody else to understand it, to entertain me, to console me, to make me happy.. cause when I see the "waiting room", it's empty..
No one's there..

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Confused

It feels like i am in the intersection. Can't figure out which way I have to go. So vague I am. Yes...It's been a long I've never felt like this before..Maybe too many things in my head that made me so confused:(..

I don't feel like going to the mall but I am heading to the mall. Don't feel like waiting, but I am waiting. Don't want to be alone but I am alone right now. Don't feel like doing anything, but I am typing at the moment. Feel like going home, but I am still somewhere far from home. Don't feel like meeting with people, but I am here waiting for the meeting..

What's wrong with me today? It's like am loosing my own grip. Can't resist myself to get in to the store to check the latest fancy bag, the irresistible shoes and ...Uhmm...

Am I reluctant to accept the reality?
Do I just feel lonely?
It's helluva beyond my comprehension.

I don't know what to do yet so many things to do..
Bliss, yes I am looking forward to see the bliss..to feel to experience it...Oh God, Bless me.

I believe this is gonna be like any other day, where I have to follow the fate. Follow where my car's wheels take me..

Now I am sitting in the smoking area of a coffee club inside a mall...So many things are dangling in my mind....ah, I have to take a breathe and decides where the hell I want to go afterwards...

Ah, confused...

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Ahh..whatta weekend...zzzzzz

This morning I, my spouse and my son went to Bogor. With our lack knowledge of that city, we spend times just roaming around in the city. We ended up having our lunch in “Makaroni Bakar” (Grill Macaroni). I ordered Nasi Timbel, Lontong sayur for my spouse and Chicken grilled for my son. We head to Tajur afterwards. But seeing so many cars waited to take a left turn to Tajur, we decided to head back home – Jtown. I was sleeping during our journey to Jakarta.

I continued sleeping when reaching home. I was so exhausted, and then the daydream started. It’s confusing as always but tried to ignore the dream. In the evening, my spouse asked me to search for a house to let. Finding a really suitable house for us – even though it’s a rented house, still we prioritized how suitable it is for us. The conditions are as follow the security at its surrounding – should be under very good surveillance, the warm vibe of the house, the neighborhood and of course the price. Ironically there are several house that we quite fancied yet the price was helluva expensive. There are also many houses that the price was average/quite ok, but the condition was under our expectation. The last one was the pavilion house. It was the one story building. It consisted of several houses. The last one we saw was in the first story. Quite good, Quite huge (for the three of us and a maid), but yeah..it was in first story. I just can’t imagine that my spouse and I have to go to office with worries about our son due to that stair and the height (of course).


Yeah at last, we decided to take our time, be positive that we will get a house to rent, a good one. Hmmm, I was just celebrated my 30th birthday couple days ago..Still I am sometimes taken a back to the reality that now I am a mother of 4 years old boy, a wife of a man I known and love since I was 21 years old. That I have to be bother with the bitter of life, many responsibilities, many confusion and many many many challenges to come.

Gosh, sometimes when I look at my son’s face, the silly wistful thinking just blurted out from my mind, that…if I could stop the time, I would freeze my time at the age of hmmmm….17 (maybe?)…So then I don’t have to face many realities like I just mentioned. But life is unarguably like a coin. It has two faces. Maybe I was facing a bad face at the moment, but when it sways, the good face will approach me…..

Hmm, I am suddenly pulled back to times when a very close friend tell me that “Good things always come with bad face, so don’t give up!

Anyhow, somehow…I can’t say that I don’t enjoy my life. I love to live my life, but yeah I am mere human…never satisfy, always complain, and many else…

Hoaaahhh ( yawning)…I am gonna go to sleep, then..

Friday, June 22, 2007

It left her

another imaginary story

It left her just like that
And as always she's the one who after him..
Catch every trace it left...

She looks at the mirror..
What she has done this time to em...
This is not gonna work

It takes two to tango
and she's not dancing anymore..

She's tired, her feet could not walk any mile more
She just couldn't after em anymore...
She's tremendously exhausted, inside out...

She looks at the sky..
Maybe this is a sign, that she has to leave em...
Cause nothing she could do to make em understand
This is the last time she could bear anything
she just can't stand no more...

Life is contagious


...life, sad, anger, hate, love, good deeds, bad intention, shout, whisper, kiss, smell, smile...
Stop doing anything, observe and see what's at your surrounding..then look at yourself.. Is there any of your behavior contagiously influenced by others?

Lazy bones
















Another lazy day...

I practically didn't do much today. Actually I should have finish writing the ideas. But I am just simply not in the mood. If I have to write, then my demand will come like a monthly shopping list.

I have to write in an outdoor location.
Sitting before my laptop,
sipping a cup of moccacino,
smoking my light Marlboro and listening to music.
While feeling the breeze of the fresh air...
It's simple, isn't it?

But living in a so called urban city, where public area is just a wistful thinking..it's so difficult to find a place as I mentioned above..

Or maybe just a quite place on the 25th floor?

:)
miss all the coffee i used to drink when touching the sky!

The moment you hurt me

an imaginary letter

It's hurt to hear what you've just said.
Like a thunder in a bright sunny day..
It's shocking..
I was taken a back for quite a while

You are the one who made me touched the sky
You are the one who shows me the blooming flowers

It's like a touch in my shoulder..
soft, gentle yet awaken me..
that there's nothing in this world could immortally last forever..

Don't take me for granted..
I am here cos I want to
No body forced me, not even you..
Now I am trying to leave any hurt I got from you
Leave the pain that bugged me most of the time when i am thinking of you, yeah..
Earlier it was a beautiful feelings I sensed when thinking of you..
But why now it's only a sadness whenever i think about you?

It turns me numb..
Literally..
Just after the moment you hurt me..

Another captured images from little india part 2


Sri Veeram Temple


Rare things to find in Sing..The tourist rickshaws


Intersection

Colorful corner

Another captured images from little india

I am walking again

Yeah...
Maybe this is new habit. Since my trip to merlion city, I love walking under the shinning sun. So, at lunch time I and hess walked to the food stall. It was quite far actually, but it felt near, :)...

Anyhow, according the scientific research, Walking under the shinning sun for at least 15 minutes a day can send the bad mood away!

Hmmm...Now I am enjoying the breeze from air conditioner...


What a lovely life I have:)

I want to cry

I just read one post of my friend's blog. I was nearly crying afterwards. In a nutshell, her boyfriend dumped her for another girl. And sadly she knew about this from someone else. She works in the same company with his boyfriend.

This is just an ordinary story, very classic, nothing's new...but this time, it really touches my heart...

My car is back

After nearly a week under repair in the workshop, i got my car back. But still can't drive it since I haven't applied for a license...

Huhuhuhu, this is Friday...my knees are shaking, urging me to run, to find a new hideaway...
where would that be?

Hmm,I chatted with Ali this morning. He was giving me nearly details about Bali accommodation, car rent, and the weather. Gosh, I really miss the beach...Dreamland, Kuta..or the coldness of Ubud area...

I asked the travel agent about the ticket price, yet sadly starting from July the high season rules every flight. So, here I am before my computer. Biting my nails, typing the destination on my comp, search on the net...and just watch it with envy look...

Simply traveling without moving...
Sad aye?

Little breeze from Singapore

How I miss the scent of the shinning sun and the feelings of an alien...

A corner where blooming flowers are chained one another...

Reality


You can't be so generous that you let someone over pass your limit. We are living in the epicenter where the main role is us, and the others are just simply the compliment. say no to f aux character, that leaves you nothing but blue...

I just recalled what I've been through so far..it was so frantic. How could I be so bloodying fooled by something that never existed before. Ah, call me insane, but yeah..after so many fights in my thought, i turned myself from love non believer to love believer...

It's bloody stupid, isn't it..
Sentimentally moron..

Well, I want to swallow the medicine which i used to swallow..
It's called REALITY...

June 07,
The non believer
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