No Look Back and No Regret

Maybe I should forgive and let it all go away. Never look back and regret.
If there’s a ONE there would be a two and a three and many furthermore. I believe there will always be a second chance for everyone, but there’s thing that can’t be undo, it happens for reason…


On my first day at that peculiar place
I sat on a bench. This room is nearly hot. No vibe. Yeah I have to be patient, said my inner voice. Before me there’s a computer which hasn’t been connected with internet. (DOH!). I gazed all the room even starred at the ceiling. This is going to be my room for oversee my assignment.

A call from the boss.
Here, I try to adapt and welcome all the assignment with the open hands. On my way to his room I passed the other room, suddenly my inner voice said out loud “You don’t belong here!” I ignored. I walked straight a head, with my head fueled with many questions of faith. Would I stay on this company?

I entered the room. I didn’t know just how, but the sickening lurch knocked on my stomach out of the blue. I sat and listened. I put a pile of documents on my lap. Thought that my boss would give me any assignment, I prepared my notebook.

He started to talk. Instead of really listened to him, I observed the shape of his face. I once had seen this kind of type. Well, he wasn’t really “talking”. I absorbed his points. He talked about how should the promotion goes and what’s the corporate image to be positioned.

As I have been experienced before, the “hint” deliberately came across my mind. Just like a balloon of communication in a comic, I saw the signage! It’s red and contains many capitol letters structured a sentence, which said “THIS IS NOT YOUR PLACE”.

I blink my eyes twice. It’s gone. For a while!
Then it came again (the sign), while the boss busily talked about his plan, which I assume he didn’t know anything about that. Well, now the other sign came. It’s black box. It said, “LEAVE BEFORE YOU’RE GET RIDDED”

End of session.
I went back to my room. Met other office staffs. I look their aura as they smiled at me, black & gray.

So I returned in doubt. That place was so peculiar. But this is my first day.

A week has passed. Many plans to do. I literally encouraged myself to be more soulful in doing my job. I surrender myself to God, which I believe would lead me to the right path.

BIG BOOM
Apparently the so called boss has showed me his real ignorance. He questioned his own statement. Well actually I want to laugh out loud at it. But I hold my laugh as I nodded to every stupidity out of his mouth. I left his room with the strong decision. I am leaving this company! SOON!

This event has made me realized that my inner voice was right. I should packed my bag and leave this peculiar place as soon as possible. I began to know that there’s no rule hold the power in here. They treated people like a slave, as they seized all the labor’s right. Pity them, who fear for they power and consciously decided to stay on.

Well, money just can’t buy me. I have my own pride. Yes money can buy almost everything in this world. But for me I wasn’t easily given up to the money yet I wasn’t arrogantly saying that I don’t need money though. It’s just that I won’t let money crucify my faith and pride.

Well, one sentence to go:
“Mercy to the people who bestowed their faith to the power of money”


Egoistic versus empathy

A month a go (as far as I can recall) I asked my long distance friend to pick up some unique postcard for me. Well many told me that peeps in his current city are so creative in framing the art on to the paper and I want to have it. I told him that one of my acquaintances was planning to travel to his town. My acquaintance agreed to take all the postcards from my long distance friend and to be given me as soon as he got back home.

Then my friend has got back from the country my long distance friend lives. I asked him about my postcards. He replied in confuse, what postcard? Said my friend. Your long distance friend didn’t give me anything for you. What???? I am confused now.

I text him to ask about the postcard. You know what he replied? You didn’t remind me, did you? I answer: Many times. But that’s OK. That would be my first and last request of help from you. Thanks for everything.

Then I realized what’s the real meaning of a friend in need is a friend indeed. As far as I concerned, I never ask him to do me a favor. Never!!
This surely put me in the path where I could honestly asses all the moments that has been happened in my life.

Well, it’s easy when you said it all needs time. Don’t rush! And all the reason you served on my face won’t bring any change. I have firmly decided that I’ll put you on the box. I locked. I throw it away and never want to find the key. Vanished.

While I tried to forget all the stupidity, he called me. He questioned my text, and he thought that I was piss off. I laughed; I wasn’t piss off, what for? He insisted to pick some postcard for me. He also mentioned that everything needs time. Yeah, I knew it for sure that everything needs time, but I have the limit, as you were always did that to me back then. So we’re even.

Blah blah blah, we talked about something else. Regardless my ignorance, he started to request me to do something for him. Well, I smile instead. No way. There’s no way you could request me any favor any more. Hehehehhe


The distance has surely put a barrier between us, for sure he can’t see my face and for sure I don’t know what he felt now, will he feel sorry or not, doesn’t make me worry at all, or perhaps I could underlined the words of “I DON”T GIVE A DAMN ANY MORE”…have your way bro…

Well, perhaps you should learn the word “Empathy”, that really means something to the world…believe me, hehehehhe


~kruger~

Money just can't buy me

Believe it or not, i have just quited from my current employer...
It's been very exhilarating yet tore me another pain...

I know it sounds impulsive ( as has been said by one of my acquitances), but i certainly reckoned the consequense of the decision i made. As Adult i have to take all the risk and responsibility accordingly. No matter what people might say about my decision, i surely don't give a damn! I live what i believe, i live what i love, care and whatever makes me happy, isn't it what our goals in life?

Well, now i am much happier than yesterday.
More Mature than yesterday..
And enjoying life as well...

To fill my bucket of Joy, i am now joining the creative team in one of TV Station..
Lotsa fun, they appreciate me so much!...

Well i think this is what many peeps say, Back to the zero point, when your adrenaline chase your imagination and Where there's no boundry and you set the limit...

Hmm... I think i will commence to scribe a novel?
What's the story?
Well..perhaps i could excerpt from my everyday life?
Hmm... Or i could just roll my eyes and voila...
I am in the world of imagination,where there's no impossible thing to do..
And the objective becomes subjectives..
And the relativity becomes creativity..

Hmm don't give me that look! heheheheh
Yeah yeah.. i still have my sanity..

Little love from a bunch of idealism..
~kruger~

I am trying to patch things up...
Once again i firmly said out loud to that person about how i don't like the way he sways his thought, oh boy...what is he trying to do?? Damn i discovered that he has a scattered intention to me and surely i have to read between the lines..

try to understand is hard to do, try to do it is another thing...
Well i hope i didn't make the wrong decision...
I hope i could learn something out of this inconvinience situation..

Well...
Many disscusion, many thoughts,
Should i leave?
Should i come back?

Tough decision..

~kruger~

More complicated

Is this what you call a new breeze?
Tell me what's in the scene?
Tell me what's wrong with the wish?

I am down on my knees..
Forgot what i have committed..
Tell me, is this what you call a new path?
Tell me...

~kruger~

One step at the time

A week has passed since my arrival in new office.
Lot things to sustain and adapt as well. Everywhere I see balloon contains the beautiful moment of my previous office. Sometimes I fed up, and really wanting to resign, but then all so sudden the hope rise up. Many friends called me up during my early devastated day in new office. They encouraged me to stay on. My best friend, Tj (we’ve been friends almost 12 years!!!), said that there’s lotsa people out there who more suffer than me. He even told me that as a General Manager he has to bring his computer to office.

Last Friday I went to Plasa Semangi to meet Tj. We stopped and sat at the Fast Food restaurant, the conversation started with what he has been through in his new office. I was freezing for couple seconds. Couple days a go I was thinking that I was the only one who stuck in uncomfortable situation.

We ended up our “work situation – conversation” with giggled on something actually not so funny at all. – While I talked about my recent employer, suddenly the mother of the boy beside Tj called her son, “Adam, sit still!! Don’t be naughty!! We gazed the kid, and giggled afterward.

We scoured the plasa and still discussed about our recent job.
The clock hit 5 o’clock; we swayed out of this mall and headed back. Before I left his car, he told me once again, that I have to stay on whatever it takes. Tj said that it hasn’t reached my limit yet. What was happen is my ego has reached and distracted my goals!!...

I thank him, and then walked in to the house. Langit was still sleeping while I entered the room. I stared at him, he looked so innocent and I decided, Yes, I have to stay on!

~kruger~

Try to hold the decision

After contemplated for couple days, i decided to hold the decision...
I decided to challenge what my future holds..

Yes I know it's hard to get even a dime, but i have my own goals...my own wish...

Yes i have decided to stay..
A month?
A year?

I don't know..
I hope this wont reach my limit

~kruger~

Tough Decision

I perspire.. it's so hot in here..
Can barely thinking...
I can't stand of losing my insanity..
It has reached my limit
I have my own goals..
Don't tell me what to do..

Damn..
I wanna cry out loud..
It's so hot..in here...
Give me just another month..
Hope i can be patient...

~kruger~

To My beloved fellows in Indonesia..

Last tuesday...

Situation:
Sedang mengantri di depan mesin ATM BCA di Plasa Senayan.
Beberapa orang yang sudah dahulu mengantri di depan ATM ini, memberi jarak agar orang yang lewat dapat leluasa tanpa tertahan antrian. Beberapa menit sejak saya mengantri, beberapa orang salah kaprah karena kekosongan antrian di depan ATM. Beberapa orang mengingatkan untuk mengikuti antrian yang menempel di dinding kaca coffee club. Orang yang baru saja datang itu tentu saja mafhum.

Lalu tidak berapa lama, ada tiga orang perempuan berpostur tinggi berdandang kinclong menyerobot antrian dengan berdiri memotong antrian. Saya dan beberapa orang di depan saya mengingatkan bahwa antrian dilanjutkan kebelakang. Dengan suara kencang dan mimik muka marah, dia berteriak "Kalau ngantri tuh di sini" sambil menunjukkan tempat ia berdiri sebelumnya. Si perempuan ini tidak hanya berhenti sampai di situ saja. Dengan mimik muka galak, dia memelototi saya dan orang - orang sebelum saya.

Hmmm, mungkin saya tidak perlu menanggapinya. Tapi perasaan saya mengatakan bahwa orang ini harus sekali - kali diberi pelajaran. Lalu saya pun menghardiknya dengan kata - kata yang tak kalah kencangnya. "Hey, kalau berdiri di situ - sambil menunjukkan tempat di mana ia tadi berdiri- apa orang bisa lewat?" Si perempuan ini hanya memelototi saya tanpa berkata apa - apa. Saya kembali mengulangi pertanyaan " Bisa lewat gak?, pakai otak dong!!, jangan asal marah - marah aja!!!"..

Dia masih saya memelototi saya, tanpa berkata sepatah katapun. Saya lalu membuang pandangan. Tapi terdengar di belakang saya, perempuan ini masih meracau dengan kata kata kotor seperti "K****L" .... Saat itu saya baru menyadari, bahwa orang yang saya hadapi adalah orang yang "Lack of intellectual" So i leave it and stop thinking about them.

My turn. Saya masuk ke bilik mesin ATM. Perempuan itu tidak mau masuk, padahal di samping saya mesing ATMnya nganggur tuh, hehehe. Dia lebih memilih meracau terus, dan salah satu yang saya ingat adalah keengganannya untuk satu bilik dengan saya. Tetapi tidak berapa lama ia masuk ke dalam bilik, hehehehhe...

Masih bersikap tidak sopan, saya akhirnya gatal juga untuk menghardik si perempuan ini. Dengan suara pelan namun tegas, saya berucap " Hey dunia ini kecil, jaga sikap yah!" Hormati sedikit orang lain. Dia sepertinya mengacuhkan saya. It's ok, pikir saya dalam hati.

Saya sudah selesai bertransaksi. Saya keluar dari bilik tersebut. Sepanjang jalan selepas dari bilik tersebut saya tersenyum - senyum sendiri.

Betapa banyaknya orang yang sering berlaku seperti itu. Begitu tinggi hatinya mereka untuk menghormati orang lain. Saya cuma membayangkan, dengan tampangnya dan gayanya bak seorang model, apa ya kira - kira pekerjaannya? Apakah dia model? artis? atau...

Tidakkah orang - orang seperti itu berpikir bahwa dunia ini sangatlah kecil. Saya mungkin saja suatu saat menjadi orang yang menentukan keputusan penting dalam karir orang itu, atau orang - orang yang tadi ikut mengantri dan menyaksikan kesombongannya bisa saja orang - orang yang suatu saat dibutuhkan orang itu.

Well, yes we know that we live in the giant globe. But don't forget this globe is ain't stop, it's keep on turning...Sometimes you are on top sometimes you are not..So respect all people is the answer..Be good to everyone, though good intention's not always end up in good result as well...

But being good to others tends off the bad luck...

~kruger~