Hi there

Hmmm...it;s been a long i never written anything on this blog

Hmm...So many things happen lately
Missing my honey bear like anything...
My acid came, ambushed and left me in pain

Mess
Mess
Mess
What a mess
You know what i am saying if i said mess, eh?

Anyway i am going to see the sun from another place this friday...
I need a voice recorder but sadly can't ask from my honey bear
But also don't fancy to buy it..as it's quite expensive for kind of device like that
Yeah I better write it down on paper or safe it in my brain

Hmm...
He's mad at me
Don't know for how long
He's quiet
he doesn't sound any
Anyhow...
Let him also heal his wound...

Yay...
Can't wait to see my soul in my dream...
:-)

- Get Your Own

The things I want to do with you

Going to the paradise island
Staying over in a remote villa
Round about with motorcycle
Flying with para sailing
Eating out in front of the beach and waiting for the sun sets


Would you?I will wait until your fear is gone, for I know that you are so scare to die with me..

The angel flies

She tries to fly to where the angel flies
But she couldn't ..
She cries out loud, but the angel didn't hear her...
It keeps on flying...

She knows that it's her mistake how she always misbehaved with the angel.
Now it's a punishment for her that she will not see the smile of the angel.
The angel will no longer whisper the love on her ear.
The angel will not kiss her forehead whenever she misses the angel
The angel will not hug her anymore when she's in fear

She couldn't inhale cause the angel has left her breathless

She looks at the sky, she still sees the traces of angel's smile
She whispers the words the angel used to say to her

I love you and I always do...
Fly...Fly away my angel...
You deserve the freedom...

She then tries to walk in pain yet she tries to sing as a remembrance of the angel...

you fill up my senses, Like a night in a forest
Like a mountain's in spring time
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in a dessert
Like a sleepy blue ocean

You fill up my senses, come fill me again...

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drawn in your laughters
Let me die in your arms
Let my lay down beside you
let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again

The mercy of an angel

First rule:
You can't fight with an angel, cause it's sinless

Second rule:
Love the angel and you'll be happy

Third rule:
If you break those rules, you might end up feeling sad.

Last Sunday this angel came to my rescue after my phone's screen got crashed of my short temper.

So here it is, a very sleek cell phone with high function ...

voile...
NOKIA E 65...

Thank you my angel...!
Mwwwahhh...

Mum's illness

It's been two times she got a blood pressure attack. The first because of my Dad's dead and the second mum's used to claim me as a trigger. On last Friday she said that she has a problem when urine. My sista asked me to take her to the hospital. So last Saturday I asked mum to go the hospital with me. But she refused me as she wanted to wait for my eldest sista to accompany her.

In the late afternoon Mum and sista went to the hospital. As per doctor she has to be hospitalized since her blood pressure was quite high. But mum didn't want to, so my eldest sista has to sign the paper that stated she will be responsible if there's any thing happened to mum. On the way home my eldest sista called me. She felt so sad and cried.

Something is hidden, i thought initially. Something must be wrong about my mum's blood pressure yet my eldest sister didn't want to tell me.

Until yesterday she reveal the trigger of my mum's illness. I was shocked, my knee was shaking. I was still driving when she told me. Felt like crying but I stopped myself not to cry while talking to my sister.

Hmm...as the forth of five siblings I actually wasn't that close to mum. I hardly literally shared my problems or happiness with her. I kept it myself. I never showed my weakness in front of her. I grown up as a steel heart human in front of her, that's why mum sometimes treated me "quite heartless". But I still love her tho'. If she never treated me like she was, I could have been somewhere else but here. Here, where I grown up as struggler..who juggled(still am) between life and love.

After I got to know about the trigger, I felt so sad. Because "that trigger" is mum favor. Meanwhile as a notorious child, I kept on proving to her that I am a good person, since now. It's hard sometimes. Cause I felt lonely most of the times for the distance between me and mum is there.

Mum, get well soon..
Wish the cure treatment that we both went last Monday could evade your illness.
I love you no matter how notorious I was or I am in front of you

:)

shifting

I just moved to a new house since last wed. This is the third house we rented since 2002. Our first house hmmm room maybe :) was like a small studio kind of room. It's divided into three spaces. It was very small, then after I miscarried, we shifted to a new house. It was an old house. It has two rooms that later we used for us and my maid. In that house we lived for nearly 5 years. So many things happened in that house. First we face the difficulty of getting water. We bought a car when we were in that house.

that was then this is now...
Now we have shifted to a new house. Vibrant, that is this house...

But one thing that bugged me actually that the car port is very small. Last time my car got scratched when I tried to park my car, huhuhu...

Yeah I love this house and also the company who are with me each and every night
I love you ..more and more...

I want to have a baby

It's been nearly 4 years and half since my last pregnancy. Now I don't know just how, I feel like to have a baby. To carry a life inside my body, to preserve the goodness. I just want to fall in love again, but this time with a pure soul like a baby. I just want to be occupied. I want to share my love to someone who's really pure heart, doesn't have any ulterior motive, doesn't take you for granted. Ahh, what am I talking about. Yeah I just ramble the thought that danced in my mind this morning. Hmmm...My moods really swing. I have to do something, what would that be?

Maybe erasing some expectations which bugged me most of these days. Do I need some pity from others? I don't know...Maybe I do...

I am just feeling bored...and the idea of having a baby just crossed my mind as a way out of these confusions. Arrrgh...Can't be like this all the time, I have to find the solution.

Sleeping all day?
Going out to places?
Have a decent conversation?
Erasing expectations?
Roaring my wishes to the sky?
Seems so damn boring, doesn't it?

Maybe I walked so fast that I start to expect the world should walk in the same rhythm.
Maybe I ate so quick that I felt hungry so quickly as well
Maybe I loved too much that I started to get hurt..

AYAYAYAYAYAYA...
Shall we eat?
a Baby?hmmm maybe next year aja!:)
picture taken from getty images

same here

So afraid to ask..

Cause you know that you won't get any response?

So afraid to move

Cause you know it will stop you?

So numb to feel

Cause you know it will hurt you again?

Same here..literally...same here